i’m shit. i’m so shit. i couldn’t be there for you because i was wallowing in my own self pity. pathetic.
i woke up in cold sweats last night.. i don’t know if she noticed. she didn’t wake up each time i did. i just feel so much like shit. i hate putting this on her. i hate her seeing me in terrible moods every day. i still can’t bring myself to tell her. i can’t bring myself to tell anyone. i just want one good nights sleep. that’s all i ask.
i didn’t think any of this through. did i?
you’re looking like an idiot. thinking i didn’t and don’t care about her. you’re acting like i promised her the stars, shagged her and dumped her on the corner when i took her out once and that was it.
i’m selfish. i’m a selfish asshole. i didn’t even warn gemma that things weren’t going to work out between us. i haven’t even said anything to max. i don’t even care. i just want to be happy. i want to just not feel like i should be dead.
shit i’m in the biggest mess i’ve ever been in. i like them both.. but abi.. i’ve known her forever. and gemma she makes me laugh and is great. and max is going to hate me. i should go jump off a bridge now. or just stand in front of a moving bus.